So, kind of a depressing blog today, I know it's been a while. Depressing because that is the mood I am in...this blog is titled what is normal because I always say I just want to be normal again. But really...my normal is just different now I guess.
Normal for me used to be, get up go to work, come home and do it again the next day and then throw some softball, family and friends in there and that was my normal. I want this normal back.
Nothing is normal now, well the normal I was used too. Now my normal is, wake up and take medication then wait until it kicks in so I can move, depending on the nausea and head situation of the day eat something. Sit my button the couch or lay in bed depending on the "how bad do I feel today scale?" Plan out my doctors appointments and arrange how I am going to get there in case I can't driive at that time. Watch my medication to make sure I have enough or to see if I need a re-fill. Run all over the place to my team of doctors....and then throw in the ER visits.
It is a project to do anything since I am constantly in pain...I clean for a few minutes than lay down or sit down depending on my pain-o-meter for the day.
I can never make plans with people because I may have to cancel at the last minute, friends fade fast as some don't understand and get mad or fed up, and some understand but just don't want to make me have to cancel so they dont invite me.
Yeah, this is a pity party blog today, but I am strong everyday and just put up with my "new normal" so everyone deserves a pity party here and there.
I miss sports so much...today my Mom and I were in Stop & Shop waiting for my prescriptions and there were these 2 little boys running all over the place...where were the parents? but that's a whole different blog lol...but I looked at them and almost started crying and said to my Mom, I remember being able to run. I miss running, I miss slamming the ball into the outfield, and doing a split at first base to catch the ball. I miss pitching, fast pitch...I used to be able to throw the ball 55-60 mph...I want that normal back. I miss volleyball the most...going up for the hit or the block, diving and digging a hard hit with a perfect pass to the setter, serving and ace and then going to the middle of the court to do our ace cheer.
But, enough whining, I need to get used to my new normal, resting alot, calm hobbies and trying to be as healthy as I can. I can get used to it but I will still hate it!
I want my old normal back, but time to move on and get in good with my new normal.
<3 & hugs
